Growing up is weird

Its funny how tastes can change. The kind of man I was drawn to five years ago is now very much not my type.

And the kind of man that made me cringe five years ago is more the kind of man I'm drawn to now.

I think I'm glad I didn't marry who I thought I was going to five years ago. I loved him, and he's a good man, but we would have driven eachother crazy.

Lol what is it about the guy's you liked 5 years ago that made you cringe. But now it dosnt?

hm.. there were a few things. Victim mentality, self-centered, stubborn, prideful, argumentative. I never saw them as those things in the guys I knew. I saw them as strong, smart, confident, and needing my help. So I was drawn to them. Values changed as well. I used to be much more conservative and legalistic in my thinking, so I would be more drawn to extremely conservative guys. (not to lump all conservative guys into one basket, I'm just describing the kind I was drawn to).

Now I've changed. I value humility and empathy much more than who can pwn who in a debate. People who are willing to discuss things rather than needing to debate to prove they're smarter than another person. Someone who is strong enough to stand their ground when needed but isn't interested in looking for a fight. I'm learning that someone who is willing to take the time to understand where another is coming from, even if he doesn't agree with it, is an extremely rare person. So I admire that kind of quality now.

The kind of guy I'm more drawn to now would be someone who, back then, I would have considered a liberal, merely because of his attitude and approach towards others so he would have been written off immediately. But I've learned that there is so much beauty and strength in that.

Clearly I had my own pride issues going on too =)

Congratulations, you've grown up

thanks

little_tigress wrote:

hm.. there were a few things. Victim mentality, self-centered, stubborn, prideful, argumentative. I never saw them as those things in the guys I knew. I saw them as strong, smart, confident, and needing my help. So I was drawn to them. Values changed as well. I used to be much more conservative and legalistic in my thinking, so I would be more drawn to extremely conservative guys. (not to lump all conservative guys into one basket, I'm just describing the kind I was drawn to).

Now I've changed. I value humility and empathy much more than who can pwn who in a debate. People who are willing to discuss things rather than needing to debate to prove they're smarter than another person. Someone who is strong enough to stand their ground when needed but isn't interested in looking for a fight. I'm learning that someone who is willing to take the time to understand where another is coming from, even if he doesn't agree with it, is an extremely rare person. So I admire that kind of quality now.

The kind of guy I'm more drawn to now would be someone who, back then, I would have considered a liberal, merely because of his attitude and approach towards others so he would have been written off immediately. But I've learned that there is so much beauty and strength in that.

Clearly I had my own pride issues going on too =)

I'm actually very much the same way. Men who I would have considered too liberal (even just a year ago) now are the ones I'm attracted to.

How do you guys define "Liberal"? Are you speaking liberal in their religious beliefs? liberal in their political beliefs?

I personally sometimes feel that "liberal" generally means people who only think with emotions and feelings, without looking at the end results of their emotion driven stances.

On the other hand I also believe that liberal and conservative in a relationship shouldn't mean zip. A man or a woman should be able to look at each unique situation and be able to examine it without prejudice or preconceived notions.

Like one example that really stands out is when couple argue about "if the wife will work after marriage"? Well my initial response would by why shouldn't she work if she wants to. But, I would not totally rule out a wife staying home if certain needs arise. In a way I feel it would be foolish to totally rule out either ideas because you never know what life gonna throw your way.

But that's just me.

Theologically. I've never been much of a political person really. But my understanding of what conservative and lberal theology actually meant was a little skewed because of the family and subculture I grew up in. My definition extended to music, books, language, etc... even being tolerant towards certain individuals I thought were off-the-wall, theologically (being tolerant, not accepting. I didn't even realize there was a difference then). My definition was more grounded in legalism, I think than anything else.

little_tigress wrote:

Theologically. I've never been much of a political person really. But my understanding of what conservative and lberal theology actually meant was a little skewed because of the family and subculture I grew up in. My definition extended to music, books, language, etc... even being tolerant towards certain individuals I thought were off-the-wall, theologically (being tolerant, not accepting. I didn't even realize there was a difference then). My definition was more grounded in legalism, I think than anything else.

that makes sense.

I personally always disliked the whole Christian subculture of Music, books and all that jazz. I just never got into it and I still haven't gotten into it. On the other hand, I do believe that truth and instructions about right and wrong can be found in Scripture. And I believe one can search for that truth and that truth should be the our goal (legalistic or not).

Weirdly I always passionately disliked the subculture which extended into music and movies and such too, which made me think that I was separate from the legalism that can sometimes go along with that. Only now can I look back and say, "oh you were such a silly girl."

I was raised more in the heresy hunter's subculture, which meant that I raised to see something bad lurking in pretty much everything. There's good and bad in that though. I was taught to think through things and put the love of gospel first, but its also very easy to get stuck in intellectualism, pride, and legalism too if you're not careful.

little_tigress wrote:

Weirdly I always passionately disliked the subculture which extended into music and movies and such too, which made me think that I was separate from the legalism that can sometimes go along with that. Only now can I look back and say, "oh you were such a silly girl."

I was raised more in the heresy hunter's subculture, which meant that I raised to see something bad lurking in pretty much everything. There's good and bad in that though. I was taught to think through things and put the love of gospel first, but its also very easy to get stuck in intellectualism, pride, and legalism too if you're not careful.

Yes the heresy hunting can become to much at times. Like iv read blogs about people who say "Tim Tebow is evil" and "Duck Dynasty" is from satan. When in reality most reasonable people understand "Tim Tebow" is just a guy trying to live his own life and Duck Dynasty is just a family trying to live their own life.

Either one has not done anything that is "Clearly black and white" against the bible. So getting upset over every little thing does sometimes miss the mark. But like you said studying through stuff, also brings understanding and that's a positive.

I totally misread those posts to read that hunting is a heresy. I was really confused.

well it is. Read Mark 30:15. It clearly says that anyone who hunts shall be hell-bound.

little_tigress wrote:

well it is. Read Mark 30:15. It clearly says that anyone who hunts shall be hell-bound.

I almost fell for that, and then I remembered Mark doesn't have 30 chapters. We made up the Book of Hezekiah in youth group and that was our go to for fake Bible verses and such.

I love that I have come to this point in my life that I understand myself enough to see that my own tastes and needs have changed from the superficial level to something much deeper.
And seeing someone and accepting them for who they are is truly freeing for me. I think because of that I take their needs and beliefs into consideration and understand how they can fit into mine. I don't force it but it happened naturally and it's lovely when you have someone in your life you can be that way with.

Say what you will........ I will ALWAYS push buttons in Toys R Us......  

My tastes in women havent changed all that much, I always wanted a woman with integrity, loyalty, honesty, etc. Simple list, that is almost impossible to find. I don't expect "perfection" but I certainly don't want a "bad girl", looking like a thug however that seems to be about all I attract.

If anything has changed at all its my taste in what I find "beautiful" I used to look at "flaws" in her looks as a negative thing, now I embrace those "flaws" as differences that make a woman unique. Which gives her a beauty all her own. I have learned in age, those things you may consider "flaws" are among the things you may miss most if you care about them. (A snort while laughing, the way that person may eat, something that may very well drive you insane while around them, is oddly something you miss when they are no longer near. )

I have come to value wholesomeness very much recently. It used to be that I wasn't attracted to a girl unless she had kind of a raw edge to her. I dated girls who I couldn't completely trust. Now, I'm kind of turned on by good girls... not the kind who are just superficially good, but the kind who really are, inside and out, with no agendas.

Even though I'm still pretty young and still need TONS more growing to do, I can see how I've also changed since being a teen and I agree... it's weird.

I've always known the -type- of person I wanted to be with, however some values have changed in order of importance I think.

As far as me, I think it's more that I've gotten out of depression and that's been a huge change. Like a completely different person. I used to be such a loner, never wanting to go out and do anything, always down all the time, depressed about everything, ugh. It was hell.

But God is good and now I'm doing so much better and it makes you appreciate life so much more and brings you that much closer to God when you go through something like that for years.

I am glad he brought you out of it

Miss Spaulding wrote:

Regarding the opposite sex? Yeah, I've changed in some ways. I've 'lightened up' a bit, not as in I've lowered my standards...no, not at all, but I've learned to relax and not be so...I don't know what the word is I'm looking for. Lol.

As for myself, the biggest change is simply I've finally grown (and still growing) comfortable in my own skin. It's hard for any kid and especially teenager to be okay with their own self because everything is so much bigger and complicated in our minds then. Lol. It's even harder for those with a personality such as mine. When your a very introspective person, you take on a whole new meaning of the term 'I'm my own worst enemy' (or critic rather). ...But the time is now and I'm officially heading into my mid-twenties and I've finally grown to like myself. It really just dawned on my a few months ago actually. I suddenly noticed the kind of 'steadiness' I've acquired over time. I'm comfortable being me. It's a like a 'coming home' sort of feeling.

Oh I can relate to that very much. I`ve always been very awkward and self conscious and hated everything about myself, but as I`ve grown up, I`ve really found myself feeling more comfortable in my own skin. Especially over the last year or so. There`s a confidence that wasn`t there before.

Good topic. What I actually want hasn't changed all that much, but my expectations and what I'm willing to go through to get it have changed a lot. When I was in my teens through early twenties, I would try to alter aspects of my personality in order to "win the girl". I also thought love would conquer all. That I'd only have to convince my crush to give me a chance, and then the depth of my love would seal the deal. It's weird to think about. The women I dated early on turned out to be flaky and unstable. One was even a smoker who had been kicked out of a Catholic school for fighting. Which is kind of ironic, as in many ways I was the prototypical nice kid. Went to church, generally stayed out of trouble, played trombone in the band, was kind of a nerd etc. I soon learned, however, that although those butterfly feelings are nice, they don't change fundamentally incompatible people into good matches. I suppose I knew this intellectually at the time, but my actions didn't always reflect it. My idealism was misguided and ultimately immature.

I was kind awkward then, and I suppose in some ways I still am, but I wouldn't say that's changed much about what I look for in a significant other. Other than perhaps not wanting to be with someone who is never awkward herself. A little awkwardness can be quirky and endearing. Not to mention taking some of the pressure off of me.

I think most people have some level of awkward in them. At least the cool people.