Thinking of Past relations when feeling lonley

So I guess over the past week I must have been feeling really lonely. Cause this morning, I started thinking about this girl I was involved with a couple of years back. I started having all those "what if we kept going? what if we got married? she would have been a good mother to my children etc".

Its sort of weird cause I haven't thought about her in that way in a few years. And last i know she was engaged. Then i started thinking "well she is prob married by now" and that made me feel a little sad and jealous (i guess). You know the fact that we sort of ended it a few years ago and im still alone and she's prob married.

And i guess the crazy thing about thinking about the past is that with time you sort of forget why you ended it. I mean i know the logical way of thinking is "you both ended it because it wasn't meant to be and cause you didn't like certain things about the relationship". But, i guess sometimes your mind still tells you the "hey what if" stories.

Anyways what do ya guys think? Has there ever been that one person you start thinking about when you feel lonely?

I know if we play the "what if" game we'll torture ourselves to no end.  It's hard not to play that game when you are single.  

I think you hit the nail on the head when you said when we think about the past, we tend to forget why it ended or it happened a certain way.  

Everyone's life is different.  We may be in different stages of life at different ages.  I often feel "behind" everyone else in terms of what I've accomplished but I just have to remember my circumstances have been different than other people and just because I'm not where I "should" be according to the world, doesn't mean I'm not where God would have me be at this time.

Yes. And as soon as I started having those thoughts I'd go and drill a whole in my brain. Okay, not really. But people who are in my past are in my past for a reason, and I try and keep it that way. I think it's harder not to think of these people if they were a pig part of your past, but it's important to always keep your mind ahead. The past is in the past. If I had ended up with the guys in my past... well, I know there would be heartache.

yes, I do sometimes think about it. The way I see it is, I can let it get to me..or I can choose to be happy for them and embrace the fact that we were not meant to be. God is good, and knows what kind of people I need in my life.

I don't do it with relationships but I find myself dreaming of the past in other areas: friends, old jobs, places I used to live. I think I spend 90% of my day living in the past or dreaming about things I've lost or left behind.

Yes.
I do this.
I have done this.
I struggle to not do this.

I find it especially hard due to the way my last relationship ended. But that really is no excuse, and so now I just focus on remembering why it didn't work. I also think about the good things that I have in my life right now that I wouldn't necessarily have if I hadn't moved on. I focus on the fulfilment I will have from a relationship in the future and often that is enough that I don't look so much into the past.

I hope that makes some sense lol. It is something that I have worked on and struggled with and am definitely not proud of.

Jess9450 wrote:

yes, I do sometimes think about it. The way I see it is, I can let it get to me..or I can choose to be happy for them and embrace the fact that we were not meant to be. God is good, and knows what kind of people I need in my life.

I hear you about being happy for them. In fact, all went on to find spouses in a way that appeared a direct answer to my prayers. How could I not be happy? Not that I don't wonder where my future wife is, and when our time will come. That can be a downer if I dwell on it.

Thunder Peel wrote:

I don't do it with relationships but I find myself dreaming of the past in other areas: friends, old jobs, places I used to live. I think I spend 90% of my day living in the past or dreaming about things I've lost or left behind.

I do that sometimes, but I'm more likely to dream about the future.

As far as past relationships go, I'd say mine are in the past for a reason. The few women I briefly dated in college were nice but flaky, and I used to wonder where I went wrong. The women I've dated since, however, have been more mature, so there's less mystery whether we were right for each other. No regrets. If it ended, then we weren't meant to be. This isn't to say I wasn't sad, but it's more of a sadness that the women I've dated weren't the woman I hope to marry... she's still out there somewhere. If I had met someone who truly was right for me years ago, we would be married by now, but I digress.

Sometimes I think about the non-Christian women I could have been with before I was genuinely saved. Wondering what it would have been like. But I'm glad I turned them down. Even then I had strong moral convictions about it.

Strider1002 wrote:

Sometimes I think about the non-Christian women I could have been with before I was genuinely saved. Wondering what it would have been like. But I'm glad I turned them down. Even then I had strong moral convictions about it.

What looks green across the other side of the pasture, usually isn't.  I went to a private college right after high school.  And supposedly it was suppose to be "religious" but it was anything but.  People partied, drank, did drugs etc.  The "jock" or "sports" dorms were completely filled with people wandering around drunk.  Random naked girls running through the halls every so often (at least in the jock dorm, I was in a half jock / half geek dorm).  I had two friends from High School in the jock dorm though, and drunk people would randomly try and come in their room. I usually made them shut the door whenever I came over to visit. I'm actually kind of surprised my parents didn't hear about some of that, but I guess my sister and brother didn't really mention those things.  My sister wouldn't have dealt with that part of it much, but my brother definately knew what some of the dorms were like.

Sometimes it's easy to look at those people and think they were living the perfect life.  They had friends all the time, always having a good time, always going out with someone, always a party to go to etc.  The perfect life right?  The part you don't see is often the alcoholic boyfriend gets abusive, beats up the girl.  Or the girl sleeps around on the boyfriend because she's mad.  Most of the jocks failed, or came close to failing most of their classes because they usually weren't sober.  In reality their life was a mess.  You can party 24/7, not care about anything, do what you want, sleep with who you want, but reality is going to catch up with you sooner or later.  There are consequences that come along with those choices whether they have to deal with them now or later.  Those kinds of people "gambled" with their lives every night they went out driving drunk.  

I'm not saying you would have done any of those things, I'm just reinforcing the idea that it was better for you not to have done those things.  Because you would regret them now.  

Sometimes it "seems" like we're missing out on all the fun, but the more you look at the reality of it, the less "fun" it seems.  Sure you may have fun for a night, or maybe even for a year.  But the time you spend "partying" and "wasting your life" in the "moment" is just going to make your life that much more miserable later on.  I see it time and time again.  I don't feel happy that I see those people end up that way, but they often do.  I just feel sad for them.

Oh, I have no regrets toward the things I didn't do. I kind of wanted them at the time, and yet they still felt so wrong to me that I couldn't go through with them. So, now I feel more relieved than anything Those temptations are past now.

Most of the women in my past were "bad girl" types, so more than anything I miss the time I wasted on them more than I miss the woman themselves.

To miss them would be missing a life I no longer care to live, to say I don't miss "having someone" at rare moments would be a lie, but I miss more what I expect in my future more than the toxicity of what was my past. (A connection to a "good" woman, not a toxic one. )

I guess I find a strange comfort in knowing I could get a woman if I were simply in search of A woman, not THE woman. So loneliness usually rolls off my shoulders....... but when it doesnt... I accept it rather than fight it.

Friends try and set me up, women come up to me and express interest...... but the kind of woman I am looking for is NOT in a circle with my friends, nor in any bar or my work place.

I am not wholly innocent in my past, but I am further away from the man I was than I am to the man I should and want to be. I guess its a good thing, life is a long journey that passes swiftly, so, with every day that passes I am one day closer to finding the woman in which I search. She better have tacos on the table when I find her.....