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 Going through Droughts in life

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wannaberocker

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PostSubject: Going through Droughts in life   Sun Sep 15, 2013 1:23 pm

The drought I speak of is in the romantic sense. It has been almost 3 or 4 years since I even liked anyone on a serious level. I can honestly say that in these past 3 or 4 years I have not meet a woman, who I could say "hey I wanna date her".

So I guess you can say the last time I liked someone was when I was around age 24 and now im 28. In a sense, this reality hit me hard this morning as I sat up in bed. I looked around and thought "well this is it I guess".

No, im not one of those guys who goes into the "im not handsome enough, why would any girl like me" type. I know I may not be the best looking guy, the guy with the best job or the guy with the best personality or whatever. But I still believe I got some good in me that would bring something positive to a romantic relationship.

But the reality that hit me was that hey its not really about what I bring to the table. Its also about not really finding someone that I wanna share that with. Its like being a chef and preparing this great feast and then no one showing up to eat it.

Quiet honestly, that's just it. I feel as if the past 4 years will continue over the next 4 years. In a sense it is a sad existence, Sure I can pray and tell myself to keep hope that maybe one day ill meet someone and all will fall into place. But then I ask myself "What if God's plan for your life is to be single and alone"? If that is God's plan what am I hoping for then? Am I hoping God changes his mind?

So I guess the drought continues, 4 years and counting.
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Strider1002

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PostSubject: Re: Going through Droughts in life   Sun Sep 15, 2013 1:50 pm

Well, it's not like you're being rejected constantly. You just haven't met anyone who tickles your fancy. At some point you will, though.
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PostSubject: Re: Going through Droughts in life   Sun Sep 15, 2013 2:02 pm

She will come along man. I'm learning to be like that and to control my emotions a bit more than I used to. I used to be crush-crazy (as some of you remember on CF), but I've really slowed down and I think I've had like one or two crushes in the last six months. A lot of it is the constant rejection so I'm weary. But I also know where my life is right now and where I need to focus.

What I've been thinking about lately is maybe the life God has led me required me to be alone. My life has been a very long nightmare and I would never wish for anyone to have joined me during that time. I'm finally coming out of that phase and entering a new phase of my life.

Just remember that things can change in an instant. You can bump into her at the store tomorrow and the rest is history. God will fulfill the desires of your heart. Sometimes we just need to wait. Sometimes we need to make a change.
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Spunkn

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PostSubject: Re: Going through Droughts in life   Sun Sep 15, 2013 6:54 pm

The thing that keeps me going is it's better to be alone than to be in a relationship that isn't going anywhere or is just going to cause huge amounts of problems.  So I'm content to wait for the right one.  It's not easy, but we just have to trust God and we also have to give opportunities to ourselves to allow God to work.  

If you still have the desire to get married, then it's my opinion that God's plan is not for you to be alone.  I think God gives us a great deal of freedom in marriage choices.  I think he can definately bring people into our lives who will make good spouses.  But we also have to have our eyes on Him in order to see those people and allow Him to bring us into situations where that can happen.

I've said this other places, and I'm sure others have said it before me.  While you are single don't look for an amazing person.  Make yourself an amazing person so people are looking for you.  

Healthy people, mentally and spiritually, will attract others who are also healthy.
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wannaberocker

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PostSubject: Re: Going through Droughts in life   Sun Sep 15, 2013 9:34 pm

Thanks guys I do appreciate the advice. I guess its one of those things, when it doesn't happen for so long. You start to wonder is it ever meant to happen?
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Miles

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PostSubject: Re: Going through Droughts in life   Mon Sep 16, 2013 1:58 am

It's all about finding a good match. Unfortunately, in the absence of such a person, it's tempting to be be hard on one's self. To think that if we could somehow fix what we perceive to be wrong in our lives, then we would be rewarded with true love. Worse yet, that we're simply unlovable. Long story short, that's a lie. Don't believe it! There are simply too many people in the same boat, or who have even greater flaws, that manage date, marry, and otherwise wind up in relationships. Some will even freely admit to doing everything wrong and still be blessed with a spouse and kids. I knew several couples like that in college. The point, however, shouldn't be about their flaws or flawed approaches (nobody's perfect), but the fact that they're a good fit for each other. If a couple is happy, then worked because they found someone compatible. A good match for their unique strengths, weaknesses, quirks etc. As such, I'd say that you just haven't met the right one yet. Of all the older singles I've known, I can't think of *any* who had to settle for someone awful in the end. When like winds up with like, they usually end up with wonderful people. That's because prolonged singleness rarely entails the profound flaws that some like to imagine. You're on the right track by holding out for a lady who truly interests you. Try not to beat yourself up too much over this. At least that's what I tell myself, and I have 10 years on you. Some just meet their special someone sooner than others.

If you're going to strive to become a better person, and I'd always recommend doing so, then do it for you. Do it for God. Do it for your friends, family, and others in your life. Do it because it seems like the right thing to do. Don't do it, however, in an attempt to win a woman. You'll only be disappointed to learn that it doesn't work that way. As far as I've seen, God doesn't dispense spouses as a reward for a job well done. Rather, he freely gives them as a blessing... often in spite of ourselves.

That being said, I can't guarantee that any of us will find true love. Some simply never meet an appropriate match, but I do think it's better to remain single than to force the issue. Being in a happy relationship may be ideal, but being single beats being in an unhappy relationship.

Sorry if I'm preaching to the choir here, but it's a pertinent topic and I felt like sharing my perspective.
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wannaberocker

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PostSubject: Re: Going through Droughts in life   Tue Sep 17, 2013 8:41 am

that is some great advice Miles.
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Thunder Peel

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PostSubject: Re: Going through Droughts in life   Tue Sep 17, 2013 6:10 pm

I can say from experience those people often come along when you're busy living you life and not expecting someone to come along. I don't think it's wrong to actively search but God has a way of surprising us in the most wonderful ways.
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Bristecom

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PostSubject: Re: Going through Droughts in life   Wed Sep 18, 2013 2:27 pm

I think it's funny how only guys have commented here thus far...

Anyway, yeah, I kinda know what you mean. Well I've never actually had a girlfriend unless you count some very short-term ones when I was younger. And it's not that I haven't been asked out by anyone - I've actually rejected a few girls (sorry girls). It's just that I'm not going to pretend to potentially be your husband if deep down I feel it can't really work for whatever reason. There are very few girls that I've been genuinely attracted to (personality-wise, style-wise, spiritually, etc). 1 in a million probably wouldn't be a stretch.

Now the key is finding someone who you feel that way about to also feel that way about you and be able to come together - which seems to be completely impossible, LOL. If I ever do manage to get with someone like that, it would certainly have to be a miracle of God. But my relationship with Christ always comes first and is enough. Sure it would be very helpful to have a good partner for the remainder of my life here on earth but ultimately I have to be willing to face this world alone.
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Ethnog

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PostSubject: Re: Going through Droughts in life   Wed Sep 18, 2013 4:33 pm

Blind post

Sometimes, when you least expect it, it happens.
I know that people say this all the time and it would drive me mad, but when I think about the most important things that I wanted in my life it was when I didn't know it was going to happen. I waited and waited for a long time, and then let go of the frustration and pain. Then out of nowhere it happened....its like the perfect timing.
I don't know if this will happen for you Wannabe, but I know that if it does you will be ready to be a good person to her.
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Spunkn

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PostSubject: Re: Going through Droughts in life   Wed Sep 18, 2013 5:20 pm

Ethnog wrote:
Blind post

Sometimes, when you least expect it, it happens.
I know that people say this all the time and it would drive me mad, but when I think about the most important things that I wanted in my life it was when I didn't know it was going to happen. I waited and waited for a long time, and then let go of the frustration and pain. Then out of nowhere it happened....its like the perfect timing.
I don't know if this will happen for you Wannabe, but I know that if it does you will be ready to be a good person to her.
It makes sense though if you think about it. The more we hold on to something that isn't God, the more we focus on it. The more we focus on that thing, the less we focus on God. The less we focus on God, the harder it will be to hear and see what He wants to give us, and also what He wants to bless us with. The more we focus on God the more we will be ready for the things He wants to give us. So while it "seems" to happen out of no where, I really think it's a shift in your priorities, and a shift of going from "I need another person to fulfill my life" to "God is enough to fulfill me, and I would like to bless another person by being that special person in my life".

Marriage is not about taking two half empty people and making 1 complete person. If we look for marriage to complete us and make us fulfilled we've got the wrong idea about it in my opinion. But if we look at marriage as two 100% people, then marriage becomes a blessing of two people adding to each other, not trying to fulfill one another because that's a job that only God can do.
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wannaberocker

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PostSubject: Re: Going through Droughts in life   Thu Sep 19, 2013 9:36 pm

Yeah, its just sometimes you have those moments. I know the focus should be to better myself as a man and not searching for the things or relationships out of the horizon.
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Ethnog

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PostSubject: Re: Going through Droughts in life   Thu Sep 19, 2013 10:20 pm

wannaberocker wrote:
Yeah, its just sometimes you have those moments. I know the focus should be to better myself as a man and not searching for the things or relationships out of the horizon.
Its okay to have those moments, and its okay to want and search for a relationship. You can't just sit and wait for it either.
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wannaberocker

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PostSubject: Re: Going through Droughts in life   Fri Sep 20, 2013 8:50 am

Ethnog wrote:
wannaberocker wrote:
Yeah, its just sometimes you have those moments. I know the focus should be to better myself as a man and not searching for the things or relationships out of the horizon.
Its okay to have those moments, and its okay to want and search for a relationship. You can't just sit and wait for it either.
Yes, you are right.
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PostSubject: Re: Going through Droughts in life   Mon Sep 23, 2013 12:23 am

Thunder Peel wrote:
I can say from experience those people often come along when you're busy living you life and not expecting someone to come along. I don't think it's wrong to actively search but God has a way of surprising us in the most wonderful ways.
I find your advice really encouraging. Razz 
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