Meeting someone From Online

I know, this topic has been discussed to death. But, recently someone close to me mentioned something about it that made me revisit this whole thing again.

So my cousin who lives in England is visiting us. During her trip she will also got to NYC. Well today she mentioned that she will be meeting this boy there from Tennessee. She has sort of known this boy online for about 5 years now.

My mind automatically went to "Catfishing" and I was like "well have you seen this boy, have you seen his pics, do you Skype, do you know if hes for real"? In a way I felt scared for her. Cause I would hate it if after coming all this way, she found out she was being played.

But, she said she has seen pictures of him. She said she talks to him on Skype and has even skyped with his parents.

So, at that point I was like "good luck" I really hope it is as wonderful as you hope it would be.

In a sense I envy my cousins bravery and her willingness to take the risk. Shes only 21 yet she has the guts to take this risk. Im 28 and I ask myself "Would I be willing to take such a risk"? At this point I cannot imagine myself taking such a risk.

But, really her mentioning that shes meeting this boy she has known for 5 years now in NYC. It just brought this whole online dating and relationship thing to life for me.

I just thought id share the story. Im still nervous for her though.

Is she going to be with someone when they meet?

If that were me I'd probably make sure I was going with someone, and I'd make the trip sort of like a vacation if the person turned out not to be who I thought... assuming I wasn't murdered or something.

But yeah, I'd be scared for her too. Sure there are some things you just need to take risks and takes leaps of faith to get what ya want, but you still need to be smart about it.

I've met 3 guys from online during the years I was single (at different points in time; not at the same time least one gross person gets the wrong idea; I was single for an abnormally long time).  They all turned out to be exactly who they said they were, but none of them and I ever worked out; mostly due to distance.  I always told someone who I was meeting and where , what time, etc.... And once I had a friend waiting in the background.  It can be scary but just make sure she is taking smart precautions about it; like telling someone all the information, meeting in a public place, etc...

I've also met 2 CF women whom I had good online friendships with.  They were both who they said they were as well!  All the people I've met from CF or other online places were people that I had talked to for a long while and really didn't expect to meet- we had good friendships first and then it just worked out that after a while we both wanted to meet and were either in the same area or something brought them out my way.

I've had a couple good friends and a couple girlfriends who I met online first. So I guess I've never been catfished, or whatever the kids are calling it these days. One of the good friends being Squeakers So, yeah, I'd be willing to meet someone from online in person, unless there was something about their online presence that made me suspicious.

Ethnog wrote:

Is she going to be with someone when they meet?

yeah my brother will be with her.

Though still, my fear is not really about her safety. Its more about her heart being broken.

I would feel horrible if that happened.

I've met people from online, male and female. I was so nervous about meeting the first guy and I didn't go about it in a very smart way, but it went well. I should have never dated him, but that had nothing to do with meeting him online, but that we were just not a good match for each other. I dated one other guy that I met alone. Also someone who wasn't a good match, but he was fun to hang out with. One other guy, he flew to my hometown to meet me. His family was nervous for him, so I friended them on Facebook and talked to them to try to make them feel better. Yet another one where we had fun together and all, but just not compatible.

Then there's my husband. I originally met him with 3 other CFers, though we were strictly friends then. A couple of years later, I flew to him, it went really really well, I married him 2 months later, and just before our first anniversary I had a son. So, that's my story anyway. I've met plenty of people and even when it didn't work out romantically, it still often went well. And even with the one heartbreak, it's now just a faded memory. I'll pray for your cousin.

OH yeah btw she is not visiting specifically to meet that boy. They are on vacation and I guess they planned that when she will be in NYC he will fly there from Tennessee to meet her.

I've met 11 CFers now. I was never for a moment worried or hesitant. Some of them I didn't even really know all that well

Heck, I just invited someone from here to come stay with me if they end up vacationing near me. I definitely don't have issues with assuming that my online friendships are somehow more dangerous than my IRL ones.

I take normal precautions and I tend to have someone with me when I meet a new person. Not really on purpose though, just because that is how it worked out.

Only one meeting was a bust and I ended up avoiding the poster after that. But Mary and I got a really great story out of it- picture a frozen yogurt shop and a guy serenading us with a song he wrote (the theme of which was Satan and he even brought along a boombox to play the music). Good times, good times.

I've met a bunch of people from online and have a list of others I am GOING to meet someday.

Some I traveled somewhere to meet, some traveled to see me, and one put me up for the night when I was dealing with a family emergency and couldn't get a hotel room. I hopefully have one coming to visit for a few days in September and stay with me.

Somehow I don't think this is as much about meeting someone online as it is for your friends emotionally investment in the meeting.

wannaberocker wrote:

Ethnog wrote:

Is she going to be with someone when they meet?

yeah my brother will be with her.

Though still, my fear is not really about her safety. Its more about her heart being broken.

I would feel horrible if that happened.

There is always a chance that her heart will break if they meet online or not!
I think if her gut tells her it's okay, then it is!
You would have felt something if it wasn't.

I must say that it seems more risky for a woman to agree to meet a man than vice versa. So, I give a lot of credit any time a woman is willing to meet me in person.

Oh, I just remembered. In Virginia Beach I met a woman from online who was disappointed because I had a beard in my picture but I was clean-shaven when we met. I informed her that the beard usually comes back when I stop shaving. She responded by never calling me back after the first meeting. Oh well.

wannaberocker wrote:

yeah my brother will be with her.

Though still, my fear is not really about her safety. Its more about her heart being broken.

I would feel horrible if that happened.

Well my advice.... never trust anyone from Tenn.  they are Titans fans.

On a serious note however, considering your brother, Id say dont worry so much. If they meet in a public place AND she has your brother, its highly unlikely that anything will happen.

In all honesty, in todays world I see meeting people online that you have spent some time getting to know, just like flying in a plane. Yes, there are risks, but if anything its probably safer than meeting people anywhere else, because before you are physically around someone from online, there HAS to be something that makes you willing to meet them. You can find all sorts of creeps in a shopping mall, corner store... etc.

As for her heart breaking I don't see how the risk is any higher than someone she meets that lives close by.

I cant blame you for being protective and worrying, but we cant lock everyone we love up in a bubble.... some times the pain is good, (in hindsight not while going through it) as pain (or threat of pain) is the only true motivator to grow and change as a human being.

wannaberocker wrote:

OH yeah btw she is not visiting specifically to meet that boy. They are on vacation and I guess they planned that when she will be in NYC he will fly there from Tennessee to meet her.

My father was always worried about any guy I'd meet through online dating, but they turned out ok as his concerns kept me on the caution side.

I've met with others through CF, have made virtual friends I've yet to meet, and others. One guy from Norway I'd corrisponded for about 5 years before he meet with me in Japan as a business write off. I had no romantic interest in him and I ended up traveling with the most annoying person I'd ever met, even to this day. Its funny in retrospect, but not at the time.

The Lord has gifted me with some good discernment, but I still try to stay on the side of caution because you just never know.

yeah you guys are right. THe risk is worth taking, its better than living your life wondering "What if" .

I just wish I as as brave sometimes. I have a very risk averse personality. I do think I should take more risks and not always shy away from risk.

I did an informal survey on Facebook and it turns out that quite a few people I know are married to someone they met online.

I see no problems with meeting someone you know online....

as long as you really know them and it's not just "this guy / girl seems cool and I've known them for a whole 2 weeks, let's go out to a private place where I could potentially put myself on danger" or whatever it may be

You still have to use common sense and good judgement just like any other thing.

Amber.ly wrote:

Only one meeting was a bust and I ended up avoiding the poster after that. But Mary and I got a really great story out of it- picture a frozen yogurt shop and a guy serenading us with a song he wrote (the theme of which was Satan and he even brought along a boombox to play the music). Good times, good times.

A Satan themed serenade. Wowza!
LOL! I'm sorry, but this is a story I want to hear more about.

Ethnog wrote:

There is always a chance that her heart will break if they meet online or not!
I think if her gut tells her it's okay, then it is!
You would have felt something if it wasn't.

This is very true. I have met a few people online, one in particular was a romantic interest. It was really eye opening to me, because of how much more you learn about someone when you meet them in person. So I can understand your fear and worry.

But the danger of the person being somewhat different from what they initially portrayed themselves to be, can also be there irl.
Think of it in terms of the normal in person dating sequence.
You meet up somewhere, listen to the person tell you about their life and who they are. But much can be misinterepreted or spun. You only truly know the whole story once you've seen their life, and who they are. Once you get introduced to their friends, how they respond to a parking ticket, see their messy apartment =P, etc. Sure you may realize something undesirable about that person, but you have to go that far (or meet the person) to know if the relationship should continue.

That said, she's known this guy for 5 years. That's quite a long time, and it sounds like they made quite an effort to integrate their lives into their online interaction, which is great.

Rayofsun wrote:

A Satan themed serenade. Wowza!
LOL! I'm sorry, but this is a story I want to hear more about.

I agree, it will give me ideas on how to be more creepy.... um I mean.... suave.

I've hung out with a few online friends IRL, and even dated one for a while. We've met in public places and in group settings. So far, my experiences have been positive. All have turned out to be who they say they are, but it doesn't hurt to be on the safe side.

That being said, I'm fairly guarded with what I post online. Even without catfishing, dentity theft is a very real possibility, and I'm a fairly private person anyway.

I figured id post an update. Well She meet the guy and they have been hanging out in NYC for about a week now. THe guy also meet my brother and her parents. I guess her folks are gonna go back to UK and she is gonna go stay with this guy's family for a couple of months and then go back to the UK.

I actually think both of them her and this guy are really serious about each other (like marriage serious). Well im glad he wasn't a total creeper and I wish her the best of luck.

But I got to admit she is a very brave 21 year old. I would never be that brave to fly half way across the world to meet a girl.

What can I say? Sometimes risks pay off.

Captain Obvious, away!

I'm not afraid of meeting people I know online. If they're going to kill me then at least I had a good run and if they simply steal my wallet then I'm only out five dollars.