Question for the ladies

Okay, I don't want to come across in a bad light here. I have a serious question.

My friend Steve had a party about a month ago or two and I met a girl there. And since that party, everyone there said we had such chemistry and people kept asking Steve if we were dating or if we liked each other. He didn't know, but he was surely teasing me about it the next day, calling me "love boy" and saying he's never seen me open up to someone like that. I even asked her for her information and she gave it and we've been facebook friends.

We kinda chatted a little bit, mostly about her and what she does for a living, but since then, she's been quiet. I think it's gotten back to both of us that the other is possibly interested. She's pretty and my type...funny, red hair, blue eyes...

But what has given me pause is a red flag I had. The moment that I posted I had a job, her whole demeanor towards me changed. She was very open and approached me about it and asking questions. She started being more friendly and very supporting like with my weight-loss frustrations.

And tomorrow is another get-together at our friend's house and she will be there and she's excited to see me tomorrow. And I'm excited to see her. But how she suddenly opened up to me the moment I posted I had a job, when she wasn't so open before i had the job, made me wonder if she was the gold-digger type or if women kinda are more attracted to guys who have jobs.

I know some women here will be divided on the issue and I'm not meaning it to sound like if you go for employed men only, that you're a gold digger or anything. I don't know. It just left me thinking weird about the whole thing.

Is this normal lady behavior??? Does having a job make a potential interest grow if he didn't have one before??

I don't think a woman suddenly becoming interested in you after finding out you have a job automatically means she's a gold digger.  Actually the two might not be related at all to be honest.  She might have just made up her mind about you, and the two happened to coincide.  

If you get to know someone well enough, I think it's pretty easy to find out if they're a gold digger or not.  Just spend more time getting to know her.

That's not to say you can't be cautious, and guard yourself appropriately against certain things, but I would be careful of not making assumptions either.

Spunkn wrote:

I don't think a woman suddenly becoming interested in you after finding out you have a job automatically means she's a gold digger.  Actually the two might not be related at all to be honest.  She might have just made up her mind about you, and the two happened to coincide.  

If you get to know someone well enough, I think it's pretty easy to find out if they're a gold digger or not.  Just spend more time getting to know her.

That's not to say you can't be cautious, and guard yourself appropriately against certain things, but I would be careful of not making assumptions either.

Pretty much this...

It was literally the moment I posted on Facebook that I have a job, she private messaged me asking about the details of the job, what I would be doing and then since then took more interest in my life. So I'm hoping the two are not connected. I would hope if someone was interested in me, not having a job at the time wouldn't matter too much, especially when we just met. If we were getting into a relationship or engaged, I can understand the concern.

Of course I'm going to take it slow and really get to know her. I'm not sure I'm ready for a relationship right now anyway...we just had a good connection.

Maybe it just gives her something else to talk to you about.  

I wouldn't read too much into it, but that's just me. Just enjoy the fact that she's interested in talking with you about things.

Spunkn wrote:

Maybe it just gives her something else to talk to you about.  

I wouldn't read too much into it, but that's just me.  Just enjoy the fact that she's interested in talking with you about things.

I agree, my first thought is just that it gives her something to talk about.

She wanted to ask you questions so that she could find out how the job is, how you feel, etc. etc. She just wanted to talk.
Sometimes, people like their space after talking a while and are reserved and then when they see something wonderful happen in your life they want to talk to you about it more.
Just because someone doesn't talk to you every moment you respond or communicate it does not mean they stop being interested or they have other motives.

She isn't a gold digger. Its just an opportunity to talk to you more.

And gold diggers don't go after men who just found a job.

Hmm never thought of it like that. I'm totally not used to this haha. And I reckon "gold digger" is the wrong term to use. Thanks for replying

What is the right word?
Where does this even come from?
Honestly, I would be so disrespected if someone thought that about me....especially from a man who was interested in me.

Sadly there are some women who prey upon nice guys and just get involved so the guy will take them out. I've met women like that. They are seriously disturbed, but they exist.

I don't know what the right word would be. I know I didn't mean gold digger, because like you just added, she wouldn't show interest just because someone became recently employed. That is reserved for those making tons of money and she knew I made a lot of money and attached on to me because of that.

I guess it was more of a red flag. Maybe it's different for ladies, but I wouldn't find someone worth getting to know better or worthy of starting a relationship with based upon their employment status. It means nothing about them, unless they're proven to be lazy and have no drive or goals.

So it was just a moment of, "oh, so NOW you seem interested once I get a job. What does that mean?" So me using the term gold digger was the wrong word for me to use as I don't think she is one. Just curious why that suddenly sparked her interest. She really didn't ask me anything about myself or what I did or really chatted with me after the first party until that moment.

It comes from people who pursue other people just for their money. There are people who do that.

However, I dont think that's the case here.

As much as I hate it personally, because I never enjoy talking about jobs most of the time, I generally find it boring that's just me. (it depends on who I'm talking to though, it's mostly with people I don't know yet that I dont like it)

But it does allow people a foot in the door to connect / talk with someone.  So if she found out what job you had, she can talk to you about it.  People often feel nervous about asking other questions so asking / talking about someone's job is an easy way to start out.

Miss Spaulding wrote:

I agree with everyone in the opinion that she is not gold digger. The evidence you've described does not suggest she is that at all, so I don't think you need to worry about that.

Just take it slow and be cautious, but also be completely yourself and enjoy it.

You're advising me to be myself?? :scratch:  Isn't the opposite of what I should be? LOL  

She's not a gold digger. YOu having a job is just another check mark on her list of qualities she wants in a BF. I mean lets be honest, no woman wants to date a dead beat.

I don't think there is anyway for any of us to tell if she's only after you because you have a job. I agree with others here that it might just be a coincidence and something new happening in your life gives her a door to talk with you specifically about something because she likes you for you. i would just get to know her better and if you still feel that she has some ulterior motives after knowing her a little better then you don't have to continue the relationship.

thanks for your responses. It makes more sense.

I know you've probably got the idea from what others have said, but yeah, her taking an interest in you after seeing you have a job doesn't necessarily mean that she is a gold digger (because just having a job doesn't = being wealthy), but it does mean that she's wise. If any guy wants to date and marry a lady, a job is a very good thing to have, and it's not an unrealistic expectation for a woman to have for her boyfriend/future husband.

Miss Spaulding wrote:

Perhaps she was indeed taking a step back and scoping you and your situation out. You were unemployed, so in her mind she's automatically and understandably going to wonder as why you are unemployed. Maybe she was, in her own way, determining whether or not you are lazy and have no real desire to find employment? ...Now, I for one know you've been desiring and actively seeking a job. But you and she have only recently met, so perhaps she wasn't assured of this as I am.

This was actually the first thing that popped into my head.
Maybe it's not that she suddenly thinks you'll have the money that she desires to live a comfy life. But rather, it shows her the type of person you are. And just from talking to a few of my friends, I know that an unemployed guy who is looking vs coasting evokes very different levels of interest. But it can be hard to know figure out which category a person falls into when you don't know them well. The job you landed showed that, you have a job and a potential career, but also that you're looking and probably hard working. Two very important traits.

But, I really like what other's said about it giving her something to talk to you about. Initially I didn't even think of that, but it's so true! Sometimes it's hard to break down that wall and start talking to someone. I think we've all been there.